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Everyday is a struggle,
waking up and just wanting to sleep.
Everyday is an effort,
to live yet another day in this life.

Everyday is a threat,
hoping that people arent around.
Everyday is overwhelming,
dealing with problems that cant be handled.

A mental illness is a struggle.
Dealing with depression
anxiety
PTSD.

Everyday is a struggle.
There is no need to criticize
or judge someone for their behavior.

Stop the stigma,
and help those that need it.
Before its too late,
and suicide is their only answer...
One of my not so good of  a poem, but I think it is still understandable to read
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:iconmadhat11d6:
MadHat11D6 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2015   Writer
I like the sentiment of this piece, and I definitely understand. I do have a few critiques for you.

This is a very blocky poem. It is partially due to the repetition and partially due to the awkward use of stanzas. It would seem odd to take them out completely because there are very clear parts of the poem. The form of this poem reads as A, A, B, A, C. And there is something inherently awkward about that kind of format. In the future, be very careful about that. If you want to use repetition like you've used here, it will flow better if you elaborate more than one line under the repeated phrase. That will actually allow you to take out some of the repetitive lines and connect your ideas in a way that is much more clear than what you have in this piece.

You should also start to really pay attention to what I tend to call 'poetry wording'. Most people do this for years before they really develop their own consistent poetic voice. They fall into the trap of writing something that seems like it should be poetic and the result is usually something that I would read in my head with a quiet and serious tone, but is seriously lacking in flow. For example, in this piece you say "Everyday is a struggle, waking up and just wanting to sleep" When you read that, no matter how you read that, it seems blocky and it feels forced. Had you written something more like 'Everyday is s struggle, waking up and wanting only to sleep' it's the same basic idea and tone, but it doesn't feel blocky. There is an ease in that kind of wording. Basically, you need to find your own ease and pay attention to when your work starts to feel forced. 

Last but certainly not least, if you're going to end a poem on such a strong note, avoid ellipses. Because that pesky little '...' can suck the strength out of pretty much any ending of any poem. if you're going to end on something like suicide, end strong! Use a period or use no punctuation and leave it hanging. This all ties into an awareness of what punctuation creates what effect. The end of this poem is a powerful statement, and ellipses are not for powerful statements.

Overall, this piece could use some work - namely in flow. However, it has a strong sentiment that you get across very clearly as well as a strong ending that can be even stronger with just a small tweak. You're definitely on the right track. =]

[Critique from PowerfulWriting]   
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:iconsilencedbook9:
Silencedbook9 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Student Writer
Hug 
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:iconmyloveforyoueternity:
MyLoveForYouEternity Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug:
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:iconsilencedbook9:
Silencedbook9 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014  Student Writer
:D
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It's understandable in my books, and I can relate to this immensely. Mental illness is a true, scary thing that most people who don't have it can't comprehend.
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:iconmyloveforyoueternity:
MyLoveForYouEternity Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
exactly. i have depression, anorexia social anxiety, ptsd and insomnia
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I have bipolar and anxiety related problems. Though lately fate has been kind to me, in the past my anxiety has completely destroyed me and kept me from living life the way I would want it to.
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:iconboxofsparklyshit:
BoxOfSparklyShit Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014
really really love this <3 <3
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:iconmyloveforyoueternity:
MyLoveForYouEternity Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you
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:iconaniewrites:
AnieWrites Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Everyday is indeed a struggle. i suffffer ffrom Schizoafffective disorder. It's really hard to manage and it gets harder with each passing day. People don't understand that sometimes I have outbursts and mental breakdowns. I get a lot of stares when I have an outburst. Love the poem. Love.
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:iconmyloveforyoueternity:
MyLoveForYouEternity Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you
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:iconmaitrevoleur:
MaitreVoleur Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconthisplz::iconclapplz:
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:iconmyloveforyoueternity:
MyLoveForYouEternity Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
It's a great and relatable poem. And with a nice message :huggle:
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:iconmyloveforyoueternity:
MyLoveForYouEternity Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!!!
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:iconghostoftheemptygrave:
GhostOfTheEmptyGrave Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014
No problem :)
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